Family planning was definitely a part of our pre-martial talks. I told him quite a bit about my years of ttc and fertility treatment with the Ex. He knows it was an extremely painful part of my life. Clearly he can't possibly "get it", but he understands my fears.
Since we both want children, he will be 35 this year and I've wanted kids forever, we decided that we wouldn't wait. We decided that we would not use birth control when we got married. We are trying the laid back, la-di-da, whatever happens, happens approach. Can you believe that? I am trying so very, very hard to think about this as little as possible. I am desperate to not become the person I was before. I just cannot damage my marriage that way. I cannot damage myself in that way.
I am so hoping and praying that I become pregnant easily this time (don't we all?). That I don't even get the chance to stress about whether we will struggle/what we will do, etc. It is so weird. I was never technically the one with the fertility problem, so in theory I am ttc like a "normal" average person. But, I'm not exactly average. I know too much. I know the deep pain of years of ttc with no results. But I am also excited about the fresh chance. A big part of me really feels like it is just going to work. It's an odd thing.
I started my period on Saturday so this is the start of my first cycle with the possibility that something could happen. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. It's crazy to think that I am trying again. I'm keeping it under control. No opk's, no early hpts, no obsessing over "symptoms". But definitely hoping.
And it's nice to hope again.
Miss X
8 comments:
Being newlyweds, you'll probably get pregnant the first month! :)
Here's to having fun trying the "old fashioned" way!
Congratulations on having a chance to try free and clear of worries! So wonderful!
But, I think you're completely right about trying to keep your head about it. It's so destructive to feel like it's taking over your life. I always hated that feeling! I'll be wishing you peace on your journey, and hopefully you won't be journeying for very long!
Kate - LOL! We shall see...
De- Thank you. And yes, on the destructive part. I so don't want to go there again!
Hi! I'm new to your story, but not to what you're describing. Like Deanna, I'm wishing you peace for this time of your life. Don't give in to the lure of the pee stick! It seems like a friend but it is the enemy! I'm sure you already know what I'm talking about. Deanna and Georgina and I used to have a club called something like the NPS -- the no pee society, I think was what we called it. Congratulations on your marriage and I wish for you a long, happy life together, full of non-furry children.
I'm soooooo happy for you in every sense. I can't wait to hear more good news. You deserve all the happiness in the world Sheri.
Hi Karen - Thank you! I use to read you back in the precon days. I use to have an infertility blog back in the day that I posted with my name but I'm doing this under "Miss X" now. And I'm with you on the HPT's. I don't plan on touching them until I am actually late.
Katie - Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! You ladies have always been so great to me over the years.
Just take time to enjoy the sex!! That's just some advice from a mom of 2 under 2yrs now. Believe me, I'm so thankful we have 5 years to get these beautiful girls. It definitely made our marriage better. Sex definitely falls off after they come so get it all in now :-)
C
C - Hehe. Thanks! We are definitely enjoying! :)
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