No Honeymoon Luck

I'm on to cycle number 2.

I'm bummed out but holding it together. Trying as best I can to focus on the positive - indulge in a diet pep*si - drown in some yummy gorgonzola! - etc. Actually I really do have a victory of sorts to celebrate. I did not use a single hpt! That is HUGE! In all of my years TTC this is the first cycle I have ever had that I didn't use an hpt if there was even the remote possibility of pregnancy. If I am being totally honest I use to test several times a cycle. In fact, when I was doing my medicated cyles, I use to start testing the day after trigger up until the day my period came. My "reasoning" was that I wanted to make sure the hcg from the trigger had left my system, so if a real + hpt came I would know it was real. Yeah, I know. So big "'atta girls" for me this cycle. The truth is I just can't bear to see more - hpts. I don't want to test until I am really pretty sure this time. Part of the "trying to keep my sanity" thing.

I won't lie, I did have romantic ideas about getting pregnant on my first cycle this time. I entertained thoughts of how great it would be to get pg as fast as an obnoxious fertile myrtle as an almost "reward" because of the past infertility. Sigh. Oh well, can you really blame me? Who knows maybe I will still be an obnoxious fertile myrtle - without the obnoxious part of course.

Onward.


Miss X

Busy, Busy

Moving sucks. Deciding that this would be a great time to paint the entire living room/dining room/kitchen/hall at the same time is shockingly stupid. Yet, that is exactly what we have been doing. We are so tired and I still have a TON of packing/moving to do from my old apartment into our house. YIKES!!!!!! Can someone please wake me when it is over. I am SUCH a procrastinator when it comes to something I don't want to do and I absolutely loathe packing/moving. I seriously wish it was just over with. Ugh.

Since we both had complete households of stuff we have been selling stuff off on Cra*igs L*ist and just keeping the furniture we like best. Consequently the house was kind of empty since some of the furniture we are keeping is at my apartment. It seemed like a good time to paint. Unfortunately we had to strip off some old wallpaper and that is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy! I do have to say that the place is looking awesome though. I need to post some pictures. We chose this latte color for most of the walls and ceiling and a lovely silvery blue color for accent walls and the kitchen. It looks really great.

We are super busy, but super happy. This summer is just going to fly by with how busy we are! I am really looking forward to fall. It is my favorite time of year anyway and we are planning a trip to Italy for hopefully sometime in October. Exciting times! I'm determined to enjoy every moment.


Miss X

TTC the "Old Fashioned" Way...Really?

Family planning was definitely a part of our pre-martial talks. I told him quite a bit about my years of ttc and fertility treatment with the Ex. He knows it was an extremely painful part of my life. Clearly he can't possibly "get it", but he understands my fears.

Since we both want children, he will be 35 this year and I've wanted kids forever, we decided that we wouldn't wait. We decided that we would not use birth control when we got married. We are trying the laid back, la-di-da, whatever happens, happens approach. Can you believe that? I am trying so very, very hard to think about this as little as possible. I am desperate to not become the person I was before. I just cannot damage my marriage that way. I cannot damage myself in that way.

I am so hoping and praying that I become pregnant easily this time (don't we all?). That I don't even get the chance to stress about whether we will struggle/what we will do, etc. It is so weird. I was never technically the one with the fertility problem, so in theory I am ttc like a "normal" average person. But, I'm not exactly average. I know too much. I know the deep pain of years of ttc with no results. But I am also excited about the fresh chance. A big part of me really feels like it is just going to work. It's an odd thing.

I started my period on Saturday so this is the start of my first cycle with the possibility that something could happen. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. It's crazy to think that I am trying again. I'm keeping it under control. No opk's, no early hpts, no obsessing over "symptoms". But definitely hoping.

And it's nice to hope again.


Miss X

New Life, New Blog

Well I'm at it again. I decided to give this blog thing another try. I'm going to try to stick with it. We shall see how it goes. It seemed a shame to leave my blogging story in the sad days I had before. It is about time that I posted about something happy.

As most of you now know, I was just recently married to the man that has been beyond my dreams and we are happily setting ourselves up as newlyweds. We were set up on a blind date by one of my co-workers, who is also his (now our) neighbor. It's a long, semi-comical story that we both firmly believe was divinely inspired. We are definitely "meant to be".

I have been having so many ah-ha moments recently. It is the whole sense of "Oh THIS is what marriage/being a newlywed is supposed to be like!". We are both obscenely happy. We are that annoying, completely head-over-heels in love couple. I truly feel that I have been blessed in an even larger amount then the pain I received in the past. That's a whole lot of blessed, people!

I need to cut this short - but it feels nice to be blogging a happy life for once. There will be updates soon on moving into our house, FAMILY PLANNING (Yup), doggies and more.

Thanks for keeping up with me all of these years.


Miss X