Phoenix Rising

Clearly not a blogger

2010-12-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

And one month later....

It's a BOY!!!!!!

We, especially my hubby, were so surprised! He was convinced it was another girl. We are thrilled and would have been either way. Everything looked great. We are both healthy and everything is right on track. We feel very blessed.

Baby girl is becoming such a big girl. She can repeat almost everything and is just becoming such a young lady. Time is flying and we are a sea of busy and happy. The fact that it is Christmas time and we are enjoying our little girl AND the little boy growing in my tummy is amazing. My life has really come full circle.

I would like to say I will post again soon...but....yeah. I'll try to post again. At some point. :-)

Miss X

8 More Days

2010-11-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

This pregnancy is speeding by! It's been very uneventful so far and I am very grateful for that. I'm 19 weeks tomorrow and I have the "big" ultrasound in 8 days! I can't wait to find out if it is a boy or a girl!

My pregnancy has been pretty easy. Very little morning sickness in the beginning, no weight gain, excellent blood pressure. Yay! This little one is very different from my little girl. I felt constant movement from her, starting at exactly 16 weeks and from every day after. I've only felt very slight movement a couple of times from this baby. I'm wondering if maybe I have an anterior placenta that is blocking movement? Maybe this is just a laid back baby. :-)

I AM tired, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I have a very active 14 1/2 month old. How could I not be tired? I think that is the name of the game for the next couple of years at least. Oh well, I'm lucky to be sleep deprived. :-)

I better end this before Baby Girl wakes from her nap! I'll update after my ultrasound!

Miss X

I Suck

2010-10-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

You would think I could update a little more then this! I don't know how the mommy bloggers do it. I can barely get in on the computer anymore for more then two minutes at a time. I do almost all my checking on my phone now and blogger won't let me post from there. :-p Blah, blah, blah, excuse, excuse. Suffice to say, I suck.

On the pregnancy front everything is fine and dandy. I will be 14 weeks (!) tomorrow. We had our NT scan and everything has come back with very high odds of things being perfect and normal. Yay! I still haven't wrapped my brain around this really happening again, but am hopeful that everything is going to work out great.

I have a new OB from my last pg and it is going SO much better! Wish I would have gone to him the first time around. I still have blood pressure issues (turns out it is chronic, not pregnancy related), but I am on a pg friendly dose of meds and my blood pressure is now a lovely 100/60. Yay!

In other news my little girl is now 13 1/2 months! My gosh how time flies! She is becoming such a little person. More words every day. She is sweet and charming, along with her share of tantrums thrown in the mix. She is my little angel.

I think in my last post I talked about night weaning? We ended up having some major breastfeeding problems. I don't know if it was from being pg, her teeth, or a combo of both, but I ended up with massive, deep sores on my n*pples. So as of last Friday morning she is officially fully weaned. She still wants to nurse at night, but it is getting better and I think she is starting to understand that we don't do that anymore. I have such mixed feelings. I know it needed to happen. I was in so much pain. Still, it makes me sad to not have that bonding time with her anymore. Sigh.

That's all for now. I will TRY to post updates more often.

Miss X

Patience is not my thing...

2010-08-12T08:43:00.001-07:00

Thank you ladies for your congrats! You are always there for me.

So, I called the OB (a new one from last time), and they don't want to see me until I am 10 weeks! AHHH! That is 5 more weeks from now. How will I survive that? I'm trying to go with the flow, but it is hard not knowing what is going on. I just pray everything is okay.

Evidently I now am an the "fertile" category and I will absolutely never feel fertile. Aww, to be blissfully unaware! I just recently had a "social network" friend announce on said site that she was pregnant right after she took the test. Really? I mean, good for her, I guess. It would be nice to be so sure. Other then my mom and you ladies, nobody is going to know until after my appointment at the earliest.

I hate this beginning stage where you don't really feel pregnant and you certainly don't look it. It's so hard not to be nervous. I'm feeling a bit bloated and just slightly nauseated. I guess I'll cling to that for now. And half a dozen pee sticks.

On the Mama front, my little girl still nurses all night long. We started co-sleeping at 4 months when I was literally getting up 10+ times a night. Now I am desperate to night wean her and get her into her crib. I don't believe it cry it out. Any suggestions? I am so desperately sleep deprived.

Miss X

A Year Later

2010-08-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

***If you are in the IF trenches and having a tough day, please note there is potentially sensitive news below***

Wow! It has been almost a year since I last posted. I am certain that no one checks this anymore. I have been busy with all things baby and mothering. It has been a whirlwind year and I have loved being a Mama to my little girl. I can't believe she is almost a year old!

My "baby" started walking at 8 1/2 months! (!!!) She loves music and dancing. Loves her dogs. She is starting to talk. Right now she can say, "Mama", "Dada", "Dog", "Eyes", "No", "Uh-Oh" and sometimes mimics a few others. She is so sweet and funny. She STILL doesn't even come close to sleeping through the night and I adore her. :)

This last Thursday something happened that I would have never been able to imagine. Not even in my wildest dreams. I'm stunned. Stunned! I got a surprise + pg test!

Without giving massive TMI, this has got to be a one in a million shot. I'm shocked. (Did I mention that?). It happened in exactly the kind of way that would have so pissed me off back in my IF days if I heard someone got "surprise" pg. I am shocked, humbled and thrilled. Of course I am also scared. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. I haven't seen or called a Dr. yet. I think I'm a day or two from being 5 weeks so I have a long way to go. I pray that everything works out.

Can you believe it? I am just so shocked (I know, I know)! I really, really want this! If you pray and wouldn't mind sending one up for me I would appreciate it. God is good.

I hope to post more often. I would love to chronicle this pg too. (How's that for being positive?) I hope everyone out there is well. We've missed you.

Miss X

Birth Story

2009-09-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

I went to my 38 week doctors appointment on Monday August 24th. Well my bp was up at the appointment 160/100. The dr then checked my cervix and there was still NO change. Totally long and hard. Unfortunately the EPO never worked for me. My dr. told me she was inducing me that night with cytotex on my cervix and pitocin after that. She wouldn't even let me go home first. I was really upset, but what can you do?
At the hospital they checked me and dh into a room and placed the cytotec. They hooked me up to continuous monitoring (didn't want that), but it is a requirement of the med. Within an hour of the pill I was having contractions 1+min long and 3 min or less a part. I had those all night long. The next morning they checked me and I was barely a fingertip dilated! It was so upsetting after laboring for so long. They were shocked! The dr came in and hooked me to pitocin and quickly had it all the way cranked up. My contractions became INSANE! They were back to back with many in a row without coming down. 5 hours later the dr. came in and checked me - only 1cm! She broke my water which was excruciating be only 1 cm dilated. I can't get over how stupid I think that was to do. They all felt so, so bad for me.
Oh! Forgot to mention that I threw up over 50 times in my labor. At the end I was throwing up stomach acid and blood.
After around 20 hours of labor I couldn't take it and they begged me to get an epidural. I had really not wanted this, but I was so exhausted. Well that started my epidural nightmare. I have scoliosis and it ended up being a huge problem. Long story short they attempted to place an epidural 7 times! I have marks all over my back from the needle insertions. This all happened over several hours where I honestly thought I might die. The hospital anesthesiologists (sp?) and my dr. had several consults about me and trying to figure out what to do. None of the epidurals would stay in my back. Finally the last one took and gave me some relief for about 3'ish hours before it came out too. At this point I was blacking out between contractions. I was only 4 cm dilated and they were starting to talk c-section. They left for 2 hours and came back and I was 9 1/2 - 10cm.
I pushed for an hour while blacking out between contractions. I was delirious and several times didn't know where I was. I ended up getting an episiotomy (not happy about that) AND getting 2nd degree tears in multiple spots. Finally my little one was born.
Now the good part. She was placed straight on my chest and her apgars were 9 and 9. She only cried for one second and then was staring and so alert! I started bawling. It was so surreal. She was so worth every ounce of torture! We started breastfeeding right away and we are doing awesome with it. The cord was able to stop pulsing and then my amazing husband was able to cut the cord. They did her checking on my chest and didn't weigh her or measure her until I said they could. She was 6lbs 1 oz and 19 1/2 inches long with a 13 inch head. She is a tiny pixie. She was 5lbs 11 oz when we left the hospital.

My husband was amazing through the whole thing. I feel so bad for him because it seriously traumatized him. Poor guy stayed strong for me, but it was all he could do not to lose it. I think I'm going to have to do some smooth talking to convince him to have baby number two. I'm sure he will come around, but right now he thinks I was tortured to death. Poor guy.

Thanks if you go through this whole long story! So yeah, it was a nightmare situation with over 27 hours of labor. We were the talk of the hospital. But in the end I was able to get my healthy baby girl and that makes it so worth it! Oh and my very first bp reading after delivery had me back to normal. YAY! Thanks for all of the e-mail's and well wishes! I can't believe I am finally a Momma. It is so amazing. I am so, so blessed.

Miss X

She's Here!

2009-08-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

My beautiful baby girl was born August 25th at 9:11pm. She was 6lbs 1 1/2 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. She has a head full of silky, black hair.

It was a nightmare 27 1/2 hours of labor, but worth it all. I'll update with the birth story soon. For now we are home and doing well.

I am blessed.

Miss X

37 Week Appt, Day in the Hospital, and Baby Time!

2009-08-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked my 37th week! I went in first thing in the morning for my 37 week appointment. Big shocker, my blood pressure was up. My Dr. immediately starts talking about sending me downstairs to labor and delivery for non-stress tests, labs and urine tests. She said hopefully she wouldn't have to deliver me that day (!) as she would prefer to get me to 38 weeks! EEK! She finished my exam, swabbed me for GBS, and checked my cervix. Despite being on EPO (evening primrose oil) for 2 weeks I had no change. She said I was not dilated whatsoever and very hard! DANG IT! She was disappointed, but I was definitely more disappointed.

I was sent down to labor and delivery. They put me in this little room, strapped a couple of monitors to my belly and a blood pressure cuff to my arm and laid me on my side on the little bed. I had to lay there for 2 1/2 hours while they occasionally came in to take blood and what not. My tests all came back completely normal. My BP came down to normal levels when I was on my side. Blood work came back normal and urine dip came back normal. I was sent home with another 24 urine test (ugh) and I take that back this afternoon.

Despite all of my tests coming back normal, I still think my Dr. is going to insist on induction next week. She is not comfortable with my BP spikes when not laying firmly on my side. I understand, I just really wanted to avoid induction - and an unfavorable cervix is not giving me comfort. I increased my EPO last night and please pray that my cervix starts dilating!

It was so surreal laying in the bed in the L&D section of the hospital (I was in a triage room). I heard a newborn crying in the next room and it totally blew my mind. I kept wondering if I really belonged there. When one of the nurses would say something to me about me being "pregnant" or about my "baby", I had to stop myself from looking around and saying "Are you talking about ME?". I SO want this baby, but I cannot wrap my simple mind around it. Is this really happening to me? I've definitely got a case of the nerves and have been awake now since 3am.

I'm afraid of being induced. I'm afraid of something going wrong with Baby Girl. I'm afraid I haven't prepared enough and I'm going to suck as a mom. I love this baby so much, why can't I accept that she is real?

Please send your prayers ladies (and maybe slap me. ;) ). I will update as I find out more.

Miss X

Down in the dumps

2009-08-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of depressed. It's this bed rest business. I really haven't left the house in 3 weeks and it is getting to me. I'm sure my hormones aren't helping matters. Ugh.

Things are gradually getting worse blood pressure wise. Even in bed rest my bp is creeping up just a bit more every couple of days. This morning all I did was toast myself a bagel and sit on the couch to eat it and my blood pressure spiked up. So now I can't even make myself a quick meal. I have to lay down at all times, except for a bathroom break.

My hubby is fabulous and taking super good care of me. He just called me and I asked him to pick up some Cherry Garcia for dinner. Yes, I do feel entitled to ice cream for dinner. ;) I'm just getting lonely being by myself all day, with nothing to really do. Whine, whine, woe is me! Pathetic! It will all be over soon and it really isn't so bad, it just feels like it at the moment.

My next appointment is Monday and I imagine induction will at least be discussed. You all know how badly I have not wanted to be induced. I'm doing my best to just accept it for what it is. I just really want my baby to be healthy and born. I have a secret fear about something terrible happening at her birth. I just want her to be okay. However that happens is fine.

Blah, blah, anyway. This is where I'm at right now. I'll post updates as I have them.

Miss X

36 Week Belly Pic!

2009-08-09T12:40:00.001-07:00

See the newest pic here.

Big change this time! :)

Miss X

Stable and Grateful

2009-08-03T11:48:00.000-07:00

35 week appointment today. My BP is still somewhat elevated though not too high, but it is stable. No protein in my urine and no signs of Pre-E. All very good news. I brought in my daily bp readings from home and I think I finally proved to them that my BP is much, much worse at the office because of my stupid White Coats Syndrome. Belly is measuring right on to the day. Baby Girl's heartbeat is perfect. Weight down 1lb from last appointment (probably due to being on bed rest and loosing the excess swelling fluid). I was declared "doing a great job and to keep it up!".

Yay! I don't have to go back for another 2 weeks and at that point I will be officially full term! I just have to keep up the rest and continue recording my blood pressure at home to take in to my appointments. YIPPIE! At that point I will be on weekly appointments until the end. They will also do my Group B Strep test and my first internal to check for progress.

My family and friends have been fabulous. I can't even tell you how many breakfasts and lunches they have brought to me. My mom, grandma and bff came last week and organized all of my baby shower gifts, did the last of my baby laundry and finished off my nursery. I was bummed to not be able to do it myself, but so grateful that I had the help since I can't. My mom has ran errands for me to get the last of the stuff I still needed and she is taking my car to the fire department this week to have my car seat installed. My hubby has been waiting on me hand and foot. I'm really blessed.

I'm getting excited and just a wee bit nervous! I can't believe this is all happening so soon! How is this happening? I'm just in such disbelief! Has there really been a baby inside of me all of these months? Wow! My mind is totally blown.

Thanks for all of your well wishes and prayers. I'll keep you updated. :)

Miss X

Baby Shower and Bed Rest

2009-07-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

Good News First:
I had my baby shower last night! My longtime friend threw me a lovely shower at her beautiful home. There were lots of friends and family. Lots of yummy food (pizza, bread sticks, salads, and lemon cheese cake! YUM!) and tons of gifts! I am completely overwhelmed with everyone's generosity!

I'll try to post pics on the private blog later. I need to go through everything to even remember an ounce of what we got. Off the top of my head we received....countless onesies in every imaginable size and color, baby blankets, hooded towels, wash cloths, burp cloths, pacifiers, baby shoes, tons of baby outfits, 2 car seat bases, baby bath tub, burts bee's gift set, bouncy seat, swing, piggy bank, sleepers, diapers, wipes, boppy, diaper cream, changing pad, diaper caddy and a million other things I've forgotten! We need a new house just to store all of the baby stuff! :) My little girl is already spoiled rotten! And loved by so many. That makes my heart glad.

Bad News Time:
I'm on bed rest. Ugh. So I ended up getting in massive trouble at my doctors appointment on Wednesday. They were upset about my swelling and blood pressure. Blood work and a 24 hour urine test were ordered. I am happy to say that both were completely normal. No protein in my urine and labs were normal. They made me come back Thursday for another BP check. I was stressed out of my mind and big shocker, my BP was even higher! Insert more freaking out of the medical staff. The problem was my normal OB was out of town and I was dealing with a nurse practitioner that scares easier. I was then made to come in AGAIN on Friday (yesterday), my BP had come down after 2 days of bedrest, but is still above normal. Sigh.

The long and short of it is I officially have Pregnancy Induced Hypertension - but NOT Pre-Eclampsia. Yet, anyway. It's an important distinction and very good news that I am not eclamptic at this point. Last night was a wake up call for me that I really do have to behave and stay on bed rest. I was upright way to long at my shower, walking around, and I got really hot. Before I knew it I was having visual disturbances. If you know anything about blood pressure this is a huge red flag. My sister in law drove me home. My mom came over (she is a cardiac RN) and found my blood pressure at 160/100! I was ordered on my left side and to drink tons of water. She and hubby kept monitoring me and thank God my BP quickly dropped down to acceptable levels. But that's it. I'm out of commission for the rest of this pg. It sucks because I'm nesting, but stroking out is not big on my list of things to do. I will be shocked if I don't end up induced in the end, but I'm still praying I just go into labor on my own early.

That is all for now. If you pray, please keep Baby Girl and myself in your prayers. I need her to cook for a few more weeks and I need to not have a stroke in the mean time. I really do think everything will work out in the end.

Miss X

Swollen and Nesting

2009-07-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

Summer time and the swelling's easy......

I way over did it last week! My little brother was getting married and there was so much to do. It was days of cleaning, decorating and out of town family. Did I mention it was over 100 degrees every single day. UGH! Our forecast shows 100+ days for as far out as the weather channel will project. Yuck.

My brothers wedding turned out very nice. We had a good time and enjoyed seeing relatives. People "oohed and ahhed" over my belly and I even scored a couple of baby gifts. It was definitely a bit hard for us and especially my mom, having such a significant time without my dad. It's been 2 1/2 years since he unexpectedly died and sometimes it feels like 2 days. I miss him.

Saturday night at the end of my brothers reception I hiked up my dress to check out my ankles only to discover they were gone. I mean gone. Completely. My feet were enormous! The sandals I wore that were lose at the start of the day had cut into my feet and I even have bruising from the straps. You could easily push an inch into my lower legs and the indent stayed for several minutes at a time. My mom and my aunt are both nurses (my aunt an OB nurse) freaked out and sent me home to put my feet up, monitor my BP and drink water. I gained 4lbs that day in fluid!

Now a few days later I've lost 2 of the 4lbs. My swelling has gone down quite a bit, but I still definitely have edema in my lower legs. Sigh. My BP definitely spiked on Saturday but it has gone down to normal now. I'm sure my OB is going to love to hear this tomorrow at my appointment. I have a feeling that at least semi-bedrest is in my near future. I've been trying to rest this week and drink lots of water.

I'm nothing if not great on timing and I think my nesting instinct has kicked in. I felt the need to take the tags off of everything and wash EVERYTHING today. So far I've washed 3 sets of crib sheets, baby quilt, 3 baby blankets, mattress protector, baby towel, 12 burp cloths, and a million 0-3 months clothes! I feel the need for everything to be finished NOW! This is so not me. I'm pretty laid back about cleaning. I like a tidy house, but am far from a neat freak. This must be nesting.

Oh, I had my growth ultrasound last week! I was 32 1/2 weeks and they estimated the baby at 4lbs 3 ounces, which they said is right on track. They are guessing she will weigh 6 1/2 to 7lbs if I go the full 40 weeks. Sounds like a perfect size to me. ;) Everything looked right on dates with her and she was pronounced very wiggly, shy and healthy. :) They had a 3d ultrasound but Baby Girl refused to show us her face at all! We were so disappointed. She is head down and her head was so low and wedged under my right hip bone. The tech tried everything to get her to show us her face and she flat refused! Stubborn girl! Oh well, I guess we are destined to be surprised at how she looks.

In other news my baby shower is this Friday night. I can't believe that I am having a baby shower. Me. Crazy! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I know that sounds ridiculous. I need to wrap my brain around the idea that I am having a baby. I swear I have felt like such a fraud most of this pregnancy. How could I finally be getting what my heart has desired for so long? I'm so blessed.

Miss X

P.S.
Thanks for all of the baby stuff advice. Keep it coming! :)

32 Week Belly Pic Edit to Add

2009-07-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

I posted my newest belly pic here.

Miss X

****Edited*****
All of you been there, done that mamma's I have a question. What baby item could you NOT live without? What was a waste? Thank you!!!

Text Book

2009-07-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

My last several doctor appointments have left me perfectly average and text book. After my tumultuous start to pregnancy and the blood pressure drama I am thrilled to be boring. Boring is perfect and I am so very grateful. I'm hoping my average streak continues.

Monday I started my every two weeks appointments with my OB. Only 3 more and then I am on to the weekly appointments. Can you believe how fast this is going? The appointment went great. My blood pressure was the lowest reading I have ever had in my pg. I was shocked! I had spent the weekend at my in laws and they had NO AIR CONDITIONING! It was 95 degrees and my legs had swollen to tree trunk size. I thought for sure my blood pressure would be through the roof. After several days of my cool air conditioning and drinking lots of water and my swelling is gone again. Thank God!

My weight is up to a grand total of 8 pounds. I'm thinking my goal of not gaining more then 20lbs is going to actually be achieved. Don't worry, I'm not dieting. I'm seriously eating very normal, I just have some sort of magic pregnancy thing happening. Whatever, I just hope it continues after birth and I can lose the rest of my extra, non-pg related weight!

I was exactly 31 weeks at my appointment and my belly measured...wait for it...exactly 31 weeks. (Yawn) Heartbeat was good and in the 150's. Baby Girl is not a fan of the doppler. As soon as the doctor placed it on my tummy she kicked it right off! The doctor laughed. Too funny. So with everything good the doctor declared me as "behaving". I do try to make people happy. ;)

Next week is my growth ultrasound and I'm still not convinced it is actually necessary. It is okay though, I'm glad for a sneak peak at Baby Girl. She should be huge compared to the 20 week ultrasound! They have 3D technology and said they would try to get a couple of pictures ,so I really hope that happens.

I'm busy for the next few weeks with my brothers wedding, out of town guests and then my baby shower. (I'm having a baby shower?! Me?!) Then life will hopefully slow down while I wait for Baby Girl to make her grand entrance. I still cannot believe this is happening. I'm totally shocked. And so totally blessed.

Miss X

I (heart) Dr. Perfect!

2009-07-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you ladies - especially Amanda. Your list of questions were very helpful.

Hubby and I went to a consult with Dr. Perfect Tuesday morning. He was recommended to me by my doula/birth instructor. All of our eyes met and the heavens opened. Birds sang. It was magic. Seriously, I am absolutely thrilled. The Dr. spent lots of time talking to us answering any and all questions we threw at him. We seem to have very similar philosophies and it is so rare to find that.

*We went over breastfeeding - he is a HUGE advocate and pointed to his stacks of breastfeeding books all over his office. Circumcision (in case we ever have a boy) - he does not recommend and gave lots of stats as to why. Vaccinations - he generally does standard timing, but is completely happy to do any alternative schedules the parents deem appropriate. He keeps same day appointments open in his schedule year round. Does not allow his schedule to be booked solid for more then 2 weeks to keep availability for patients. Very personable, on and on.*

YAY!

This is all very much in line with our views. It is so rare that I actually like a doctor so I am on cloud nine! Hubby liked him too so that is that! Decision made and one more thing I can check off of my to do list.

Speaking of my list....I better get a move on. Time is running out!

Have a great holiday everyone! :)

Miss X

*I hope it goes without saying, but this is NO JUDGEMENT on anyone who's views are different. These are just our personal views. I respect what other parents choose to do/not do.

Doctors, Updates, and Everything else..

2009-06-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

29 weeks today! 11 weeks till my due date. Time is just flying by. I can't believe it! So excited!

I had my latest OB appointment today. Everything went great. My blood pressure is still okay. In fact the Dr. said "your blood pressure is really behaving beautifully!". Such a relief after all of the BP drama! They have my total weight gain as 6 pounds. I show 7 pounds at home, but there scale is nicer. ;) Baby Girl's heartbeat was beating perfectly in the 140's and my belly measured exactly on track. Yay!

I almost had a freak out when the Dr. said I would have to take the 3 hour glucose again. It was just a mistake someone had put in the computer. She saw my lab results from the 3 hour after I freaked and I said I already did it and she said they were "perfect". Finally a "perfect" appointment! So, so relieved.

This last Saturday was the bridal shower I threw for my brothers fiance. It turned out perfectly. It was a lovely, traditional High Tea. My mom and my grandma helped and we busted our butts for days in prep. Totally exhausting, but the bride is such a sweetheart and was so grateful. I'm glad she had a nice time. The previous weekend was my other brothers college graduation. The 9 hour drive was tough. My feet were swollen to a ridiculous level afterword. I was stunned and Hubby was totally freaked out! The swelling is pretty much gone now and only happens if I'm in the heat or on my feet too long.

Wednesday is our 1 year wedding anniversary! This year has flown by and honestly been the happiest of my life. We are headed to the coast for a long weekend with our dogs. It will be so nice to just relax on the beach. Our last little babymoon. :)

Oh! The family doctor we loved and who was to be Baby Girl's doc? She is moving away! How dare she! So now we have to find a new doctor. I was given a recommendation of a Ped and I have an appointment "Meet and Greet" with him next week. Frankly I have no clue what I'm doing. Any advice? What should I ask? What should I expect to hear? I've been told this Dr. is very pro-breastfeeding which is what I want. Anything else? Have pity on a first time mom. :)

That is all for now. Our nursery is almost complete so I will be posting pics on the private blog soon! :) Happy Summer everyone.

Miss X

Belly Pic Time!

2009-06-16T15:16:00.001-07:00

36 weeks 8/9/09

32 Weeks 7/13/09

28 weeks

24 weeks

20 weeks

I can't see a big change this time. Just rounder I think.

Miss X

Busy, Busy, Busy....

2009-06-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone in a first pregnancy seems to always comment on how slow the time goes by. All of my friends have always complained that the second half of pregnancy takes forever. They must not have had a schedule like me! My summer is insane! Time is really flying by!

Here's a taste at my schedule for the next couple of months:
This weekend we are driving 8 1/2 hours to my brother "S"'s college graduation. I'm really excited for him, but not really looking forward to sitting in a car that long. Oh well, I bought a portable dvd player and snacks for the car ride so that should help. ;) The following weekend I am throwing a huge bridal shower for my brother "D"'s fiance. The next weekend, we are taking a long weekend to a beach house. It will already be our 1 year anniversary! I can't believe it! The next weekend is already the 4th of July. We have to drive 3 hours north to our in laws. This is also known as the last time I will be driving up to their house in my pregnancy. I'm drawing a line. The next weekend we have free (!) to hopefully get some things together around the house. The next weekend is my brother D's wedding! We have to help with the rehearsal dinner and entertain out of state family. The next weekend is my baby shower. (Am I really having a baby shower?) and then we are in August! Are you exhausted reading this?

I've been taking a stand against going ANYWHERE for the month of August. Considering my doctor is planning on me delivering at the end of August, I really think I need some time to rest and make sure the nursery is ready to go. Maybe August will end up crawling by, but at the moment that sounds kind of nice. I'm picturing lounging on the couch, air conditioning cranked and some nice movies. Ahhh!

I hope everyone is having an interesting Summer! I sure am. ;)

Miss X

P.S.
New belly pic next week!

I Passed!!!!

2009-06-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

I had my 3 hour glucose test this morning. I passed all four blood draws with flying colors. Not even close to elevated numbers. I really think eating before my last test messed me up. They told me to eat, but I don't think they knew what they were talking about. ;)

I am SO relieved! All of that wailing and gnashing of teeth for nothing. :) Thank you so much for all of your advice/prayers/support. It is so appreciated.

In quick other news - 3 days until the 3rd trimester! WOOT! Tomorrow we are scheduled to tour the hospital! Double WOOT! It's getting close. I can't wait.

Miss X

AHHH!!!!!!!!!EDITED

2009-05-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

I had my glucose test today. Long story short, I failed. I am totally crushed. I've been balling my eyes out. I have to take the 3 hour test next week.

I know this sounds SO dramatic, but you have no idea how much I wanted to pass. A vegetarian forced to eat a low carb diet is almost impossible. I ate low carb the last two days in prep for the test (could this have messed it up?) and lost 2 pounds! It will be impossible to keep weight on me if I have to eat like that.

Before the blood draw my appointment went great and I really thought I was having my first ever good OB appointment. Total weight gain since last appointment was 2 pounds, my blood pressure was totally NORMAL, measuring perfect and perfect heart rate. UGH!

Anybody fail the first test and pass the second? Anyone feel like having a pity part with me?

Miss X

***EDITED TO ADD***
Forgot to mention - I am evidently very anemic. At 6 weeks my hemoglobin was really high and now it is very low. Guess this is pretty common towards the end of the 2nd tri, start of the 3rd tri. Iron supplements for me. Perhaps this will help with my constant fatigue.

Milestones and Hormones

2009-05-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

First up - milestone! I'm 24 weeks today. This is exciting because it signifies the first possible week of viability if Baby Girl was born now. Clearly she has been told to stay put for several more months, but it does make me feel a bit better. So YAY for milestones!

Now for hormones. I cry SO. EASY. It is just pathetic. I am super happy. But I am so emotional. When I'm happy, I cry. When I'm frustrated, I cry. Angry, cry. Sad, cry. Touched by a lame commercial, cry. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am normally not a crier at all so this has been interesting. Luckily my hubby just says it makes me cute. Thank God he is a mush-ball. :)

I'm still feeling pretty good. My only complaint is sleep. Or I should say, the lack of sleep. I'm up all night. I have scoliosis and this pregnancy has definitely aggravated my low back pain. I wake up in pain every night so I usually end up on the coach in the middle of the night. I'm so grateful that I don't work. I would be a zombie if I had to function at work all day without any sleep. This is all such a small price to pay and I'm glad to pay it. It is good practice for having a newborn. :) Many times when I wake up I get too excited thinking about having my little girl here with me. :) Since she likes to party all night giving me Alien tummy, she keeps me good company.

Oh! So after my last belly pic I was feeling pretty good. I was confident that I finally look pregnant and not just fat. Yesterday that was shot to crap. I went to a good friends party. There were lots of people there I had never met. A group of women heard my friend and I talking about my pregnancy and they all said "We NEVER would have guessed you were pregnant!". UGH! I was wearing a very fitted shirt too. That means that strangers think I have a beer gut and am wearing tight shirts to emphasize it. YUCK!

My posts are always all over the place. I'm blaming it on pg brain. ;)

Miss X

Belly Pic!

2009-05-14T20:43:00.001-07:00

19 weeks 3 days

23 weeks 3 days

Okay, I didn't think there had been much of change. Now seeing them next to each other there definitely is! Cool stuff!

Updates to come. (This post was for you Kate!) :)

Miss X

21 Weeks Appointment Update

2009-04-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

I had my monthly appointment this morning. This was the first time meeting my new Doctor. Good news first - the ultrasound report shows Baby Girl is totally healthy and normal. YAY! That is a big relief. My weight is up 3lbs from my last appointment 5 weeks ago, putting me 1lb below starting weight. I'm sure I will be above it by next time. Since I started out a little over weight and since the baby is measuring just fine they are fine with my weight. Actually they are kind of thrilled. She said most people gain way too much in pregnancy. Hopefully I can keep the slow weight gain going. Ironically (or not) my uterus is measuring higher then average. Dr. said she totally expected that with someone "shorter-waisted" like me! I almost laughed. That is an understatement! I'm only 5'2" and I wear 32 length pants! I am ALL legs!

I was a good patient and brought in my daily blood pressure readings from home. I asked about going on blood pressure medication and I was denied. The Dr. said my blood pressure isn't high enough for medication. It is in the pre-hypertension category. The bad news is this puts me in the "High Risk" category. I'm pissed about this. I got the pre-eclampsia speech. I have to have an ultrasound at a high risk doctor at 32 weeks to check the baby's growth. High blood pressure can sometimes cause a baby to be small. So far this is NOT the case, but it can be in later pregnancy.

The Dr. also gave me the "high chance of inducing you at 38 or 39 weeks talk". I was not happy about that and told her that. She said she was willing to work with me and if my blood pressure doesn't increase much in later pregnancy she will do blood work/ultrasounds at the end. If the baby is doing fine, she won't induce right away. I told her I really want a natural, hypnobirth and do not want to be induced. She seemed to understand and seems to want to work with me on this, so that gives me some hope. Don't misunderstand me - if it becomes MEDICALLY NECESSARY, then fine. I just don't want to be pushed into early induction without good, non-fear based reason. We are planning on having our hypnobirthing instructor (she's a midwife) be our doula and I sent her off an e-mail about the blood pressure issue for advice.

This all makes me even more glad that I switched doctors though. Even though I really think I would have been happiest with a Midwife, I know I am worlds better with the new doctor then the old one! Speaking of the old clinic, wonders never cease! I just got a refund check in the mail! I'm thrilled.

That's about it on the appointment front. Oh! They gave me my glucose sugar drink to take home. I'm supposed to drink it right before my next appointment. Fun stuff.

Can you believe I only have 19 (or possibly 17/18) weeks left?! I cannot wait! I am so in love with this little girl!

Miss X

Enough with the torture!

2009-04-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's a baby..............

GIRL!!!!

I was/am so surprised and so excited. We had every intention of waiting until delivery day to find out the gender. It was just the last couple of weeks that I wondered if I should find out. I've been (still!) having a hard time believing I was really having a baby. I think all my stupid infertility scars were not helping me bond properly with the baby. Not knowing the gender just distanced me that little bit more. Made the baby more abstract. I think it would be so cool to wait, but I think that I needed to find out. It was a great decision! It is so much more real and tangible. I'm not just having this hypothetical baby, but a little girl! WOW! I immediately went out and bought several pink and adorable outfits.

Most of you ladies guessed girl! You did good. :) I was so surprised. Basically every member of my family had been INSISTING that the baby was a boy since the day I got pregnant. They finally convinced me that it was probably a boy too. My hubby did insist in was a girl though. ;)

As far as the ultrasound everything appeared to be perfect and normal. I say "appeared" because our little girl is very naughty! She would not hold still for anything! It took the tech an hour to get any of her measurements. Finally the tech was able to get most of them but said it is possible that the doc will make me do more ultrasounds because I had "the most mischievous baby she has seen in a very long time!". Uh-oh! We are so in for it! :) We also did not get any great face shots. Baby Girl insisted on covering her face with her hands the whole time. She is already trying to hold off the paparazzi! She kept her head so low that she was pushing on my cervix. As my hubby said "She already has an attitude!". LOL We are thrilled. We feel so blessed to be having her.

I'll upload pics when my hubby scans them.

Miss X

P.S.
Oh! She currently weighs 11 ounces! :)

It's a .......

2009-04-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

......
I caved at the 20 week ultrasound this morning and found out the gender!

For the sake of mild torture for my own amusement (hehe), anyone want to venture a guess?
My symptoms have been:

Morning sickness from about week 6 - 12. Only threw up 2 or 3 times though.
No weight gain
Quite a bit of heartburn
Hair and nails growing like weeds!
Seem to be carrying high
No blemishes and "glowing" skin
Baby's heart rate in the high 150's to low 160's.
Craving sweets and fruit

I'll update soon!

Miss X

19 week 3 day Belly Shot

2009-04-16T12:33:00.001-07:00

I've had the most change the last 2 weeks or so. Do I look pg yet?

Miss X

Overdue Updates

2009-04-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't posted anything in quite awhile! No good excuse, I just keep forgetting.

I have 12 days left until the half way point of this pregnancy. Can you believe it? It's going slowly and fast all at the same time. I feel like I'm on the verge of "popping" and I can't wait for that to happen. I have a little belly but I can still button my regular jeans. It's definitely at the point where it is not comfortable to wear them though. I need to post an updated belly shot. I haven't taken one since 12 weeks.

On the blood pressure front, I bought a home blood pressure cuff machine and am monitoring my bp every day. As I suspected my bp is not nearly as bad at home as at the doctors. I have a pretty mean case of White Coats Syndrome. BUT....I'm still thinking of asking to go on bp medicine for the duration of the pregnancy. The slightest stress really elevates my bp and I know that bp problems tend to get worse as pregnancy progresses. My mom ended up with pre-eclampsia with me and I really don't want that to happen. I need to get this baby out safely! I'm hopeful that since my bp is not normally bad that I will respond well to the drugs. I'll talk to the doctor about it at my next ob appointment.

Oh! Forgot to mention that we went to our birthing class seminar 2 weekends ago and we loved it! It is a hypnobirthing class taught by a midwife that usually attends home births. We signed up and our class starts in 2 weeks. I know that sounds so early, but with hypnobirthing you are supposed to start at about the half way mark. We really liked the midwife and we are probably going to hire her to be our doula. My hubby LOVED the classes and was/is so jazzed up about it. He wants to tell everyone. He is so cute.

In symptom news my morning sickness is long gone (thank God), still tired - mostly because sleeping at night is really tough, sore boobs, some heartburn and daily baby kicks (yay!). All in all not too bad. I can't wait for hubby to be able to feel the baby kick. He wants to so bad. I'm thinking we are just a couple of weeks away from that.

Well I think that is most of the catching up. Sorry for the disjointed post. Wishing you all a wonderful Easter!

P.S.
Hopefully I will have a belly pic up soon.

Miss X

This and That

2009-03-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

What a day!

Yesterday started rough. I got a call at 3:30 in the morning from my mom asking us to take her to the ER. We think it ended up being an ulcer (running more tests today and next week), but at first it was looking slightly heart attack'ish. Anyone who has been reading me for several years knows my dad died two years ago from a sudden heart attack. You can understand that it scared me to death. Having to walk right past the room in the ER that I found out my dad had died is really awful. Thank God that wasn't the case with my mom. Still, we need to get it figured out. The hospital drugged her up so much that I had to watch her at her house all day. My mom and I are serious light weights and taking a benadryl makes us loopy.

At two, I had to leave to go to my new doctors appointment. This was the right decision. The attitudes were so much more positive and they were shocked by the "dead baby" stories I was told about at the old docs. I'm really glad I made this choice. I think this is going to be a much more positive experience. I didn't actually meet my doctor yet, but I loved the midwife I met with.

Good News from the appointment:

Uterus measuring perfectly on target
Still 3 pound negative gain. I was given permission to "eat whatever I want". Woo-hoo!
Baby's heartbeat found instantly and beating in the high 150's.
Made 20 week u/s appointment. Can't wait to see the changes in baby!

Bad News from the appointment:

Blood pressure was through the roof. :( Possibly from the stress of yesterday, but I seem to have hormonally induced high blood pressure. I can't take birth control pills for the same reason. I'm buying a home blood pressure cuff to monitor it. Looks like I'm headed for BP meds for the duration of the pregnancy though.
I had a little bit of a temperature. Again they think it was probably from my tough day. My fever is gone today and I have been ordered to "take it easy" this weekend.

It was an exhausting day and I crashed hard last night. Definite stress, but I'm grateful and hopeful for the outcomes.

Can you believe there is only 24 days until I'm half way done with this pregnancy?! Me either.

Miss X

Awed UPDATED

2009-03-23T10:31:00.001-07:00

Oh! I *think*, I *think* I may have felt the baby move this morning!

I felt a very, very, very light fluttery feeling down on the left where I know (from the doppler) that the baby hangs out there. I thought that maybe it was the baby, but not convinced. Then I took out my doppler to listen to the heartbeat. I found it and while listening I felt the little fluttery feeling again and then the baby's heartbeat moved to a different spot!

Do you think it could have really been the baby?! Oh! Oh! I hope! I'm almost crying, I am so awed and humbled. My baby. Oh my gosh.

Miss X

***UPDATE***
I just definitely felt the baby! I felt this flippy sensation and then an actual jab/kick! It was fairly strong and actually startled me. I jumped and said "Oh!". Then I burst into tears because it was so amazing. There are no words to express this. Thank you God.

Wonders Never Cease

2009-03-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

I just this minute got a call from the office manager of the original doctors office. No apologies, but whatever. Said she understood I needed to feel comfortable with my doctor. She said that they should be in the process of getting my records to me and that the billing people will call me next week to get me my credit.

Thank God, I can hopefully start putting this behind me. Thanks to all of you wonderful ladies for your great support!

Miss X

Repeat Chorus

2009-03-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

Still no return calls. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I've never seen a business attempt to operate like this. Yesterday late afternoon I got annoyed and called. I didn't say who I was and just asked for a records release form. The girl was super nice and faxed it right over. I filled it out and faxed it back. Somehow I'm expecting a slow down once they see my name on it.

At this point I'm not going to even try calling them today. They are so unprofessional it is insane! The funny part about the whole thing is that I was never anything but super polite to them. What in the heck is there problem? They do realize they can't make me stay there, right? Crazy. It just makes me that much more sure of my decision to move on. I just hope they don't hold up my records.

Oh yeah! Good news. Contacted my insurance company about the switch and they said it was no problem whatsoever. Phew! Very important and such a relief. I'm ready to be done with this whole mess. Back to feeling blissful. I'm pregnant, people! This is a HAPPY time!

Miss X

Wow Updated

2009-03-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

So no one ever called me back from the Dr.'s office, even though I called them in the morning yesterday. I can't even believe the whole thing!

Yesterday I called the Dr. that my brother works for (she is an awesome family practice m.d/holistic dr) she is going to be our baby's doc. I wish she did ob. I asked for new doctor recommendations and she gave me a few. I called the new practice and set up a consult for next week. Later today I have the lovely privilege of called my current doctors office and arranging to get some of money back and to pick up my medical records. You just know that is going to go over easily.

Updates to come.

Miss X

*****Update*****
Or should I say non-update. This is starting to feel like an episode of Punked. I called the office first thing this morning and asked for the office manager. They gave me the "She just stepped from her desk" line and sent me her voicemail. I left a very polite and direct message. I told her that since I am unable to switch doctors in their office that I went ahead and found a new doctor. I said I would like a call back so I can set up a time to come get my records and my credit back. No call back and it has been over 4 hours. Definitely avoiding me. This is so stupid I'm starting to think it is funny.

The Plot Thickens...

2009-03-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your great encouragement! I know that is what needed to be done, but I needed a kick in the butt.

I finally worked up the courage to call about an hour ago. (Actually I called first thing, but my Dr.'s MA answered the phone and I chickened out) I ask the girl who answers if I can make a consult appointment to potentially switch doctors. I tell her that my current Dr. is a nice person, but that we don't exactly fit well. The receptionist replied with major attitude that "the clinic does not like to let patients switch doctors". She then tells me she will have to put me on hold. After close to five minutes on hold she comes back and tells me that I will have to speak to the office manager and she will have to call me back later.

!!!!!

I have now gone from feeling bad about hurting my current doc's feelings to seriously pissed! I never in a million years thought they would give me grief about switching! WOW! I don't even know what to say. I'm wondering what in the world the office manager is going to say. It really makes me hesitant to go to anyone in that clinic. I may end up asking for my medical records, a refund of the money that hasn't been used and find someone else.

Can you believe this?

Miss X

Medically Frustrated

2009-03-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

I had my third OB appointment today. First thing is first. The baby is just fine. Heartbeat nice and strong at 160 bpm. My uterus is measuring perfect. Urine is fine. They are thrilled with my very slow weight gain. I'm up 1 1/2 to 2 pounds from 5 weeks ago, making me negative 2 lbs total from their starting weight for me.

Now my issues. From the very first appointment this Dr. has never felt right to me. I am a pretty "natural", non-medicalized kind of person. I believe there is a place for Western medicine but I believe it is way over used. I want a natural, low intervention pregnancy and birth. Of course if anything goes high risk or wrong I would change my plans accordingly. I'm a vitamin taking, cloth grocery bag carrying, vegetarian. Long story short, I'm a North West hippie.

I really wanted a midwife, but I bowed to family pressure who insisted on a M.D. (Sigh) I should have stuck to my guns and I definitely will next time (if I am lucky enough to have a next time). I chose my current OB pretty blindly. None of my friends who have had babies around here have my philosophy on medical things and so they were no help in finding the proper doctor. I did as much research as I could and I chose a doctor who I *thought* would be open minded to more natural things. I was wrong. Hubby and I have come to refer to her as the "worst case scenario" doctor. She is very alarmist. Everything is talked about in the absolute worst case possible. She even went on and on to me about someones baby who died of listeria at my very first appointment! Who does that? When I have mentioned having a natural birth she said "well that would be nice, but everyone gets an epidural eventually". WTH? I can't even tell you how many times she has brought up some obscure thing happening (like listeria) and how the baby can die.

There are two main hospitals in my area. One hospital is very high tech and very drill sergeant. It is known as the hospital where they quickly stick you in bed, get the epidural, start the pitocin, break your water, and move you on out. The hospital is very anti-natural. The other hospital is much more natural friendly. They encourage you to walk, use the private whirlpool tubs, etc. They also have multiple awards from W.H.O. for being a birth friendly hospital and many breastfeeding awards. I brought up delivering at the "crunchy" hospital today and my OB basically refused. She made obscure references to that hospital "not being safe". I questioned her on it and she refused to elaborate. She said that we need the baby to be safe. I said that of course I agree, but that if a pregnancy is normal that birth is a natural, safe experience for most people. Bottom line we are not on the same page.

I'm really stressed out about this. We have already been making our monthly payments to this medical office towards the birth. I think we would have a hard time getting the money back. There are other doctors at the same office and I'm thinking the money could be applied to someone else there. I'm just not sure if I would have a better experience with someone else there. I don't know. Do you think I should call the office and express my concerns? I really don't want to be labeled a "difficult" patient, but I'm also unhappy with how things are. I see everything I don't want happening with my current doctor. I really think it is too late to go to a different medical group, especially considering the money.

Advice please. If you felt like me, what would you do? I'm really stressing about all of this.

Miss X

So In Love

2009-03-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

My doppler arrived in the mail today!

I immediately set to work on setting the thing up, reading the instructions and all of that good stuff. It took some searching. I would get what I think was the baby for 1-2 seconds and then he/she would move away. Finally I got a good reading for about 20 seconds. It was beating a beautiful 162bpm!

The baby is really there! I guess I didn't dream it up! OMG, I heard MY baby's heartbeat! It was the most beautiful sound in the world.

I am so in love.

Miss X

Symptoms, No Belly, Oh My!

2009-03-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

5 1/2 months left!

I can't wait! Time was going by really fast and now it seems to have slowed down. I'm ready to look pregnant and to feel the baby move. Patience isn't my strong point.

I am so anxious to show. The belly shots I posted were really deceiving. I can still easily button all of my regular clothes. No one would ever guess I am pregnant. Even those who know say I don't look pregnant. The only one who sees a difference is my hubby and maybe he is just being sweet. I still haven't gained a pound back so maybe that is why?

It is hard to imagine that next month I will hit the half way point and should be feeling the baby move! How is it possible for all of that to happen when I look so regular right now? Well, my boobs are abnormally large, but that is about it. Bring on the belly!

Last week I broke down and bought a doppler on eB*y. It was the same price as two months rent on a doppler so I went ahead and bought it. I should get it sometime this week. I am excited and nervous all at once. I am hoping for reassurance, but worried I will freak out if I can't find the heartbeat. I'm thinking I should be far enough along to be able to find it.

In symptoms news I am still pretty darn tired! Where is the 2nd trimester energy rush? Maybe it is still coming? My appetite is insane! I cannot believe the amount of food I consume. I should have gained 20 pounds by now. Why I'm not gaining is beyond me! And low back/sciatica pain! OUCH! I have fairly severe scoliosis so I was warned my pain would be worse and sooner then most. It has struck the last week or so. It is all so worth every pain though. I cannot wait to meet this baby.

I'm going to try to post a bit more often. I should have an update this week about my doppler experience. Until then...bye.

Miss X

2nd Trimester!!!

2009-03-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

WOOT! WOOT!!

Can you believe it? I can't! I am actually in the second trimester. I didn't think this time would ever come. It is beyond surreal. I am so grateful to be at this point.

I'm still having a hard time believing I am really pregnant (are you so over it yet?). I realized over the weekend that I didn't truly expect to make it to the 2nd tri. I really thought the rug would be pulled out from me. I'm definitely aware that things could still go wrong. But I am now at the point where I have a 99% chance of bringing home a baby in about 6 months. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I am so grateful. I cannot wait to have this baby.

More updates later. Today is celebrate the 2nd trimester day!

Miss X

12 weeks/Pics!!!

2009-02-23T15:44:00.000-08:00

12 weeks. Close up of my belly. Please excuse the filthy mirror!

I'm thinking I look a lot more pg in this photo then in real life. My shirt is bunched up and it makes it look like I am rounded out up top, but I'm actually not.

Look at these ridiculous b*oo*bs! I can't even imagine once my milk comes in.

Happy 12 weeks to me! I am so glad to have reached this milestone. Yippie!

Miss X

Baby Seam

2009-02-20T08:32:00.001-08:00

I'll be 12 weeks on Monday!!!! Can you believe it? I am so excited to reach that point! It really makes me think this is going to work out. Unbelievable.

Monday of this week, I was putting lotion on after getting out of the shower when I noticed something. I have a very, very light pregnancy line on my stomach! So light that if you weren't looking for it you wouldn't notice it. But if I point it out you can definitely see it. I know it is one of those things that most women dread but not me! I am thrilled. It makes this thing real and concrete. It is proof of my baby and I am proud to have it. Hubby saw it and called it my "baby seam". How cute is that?

I followed some of your advice and bought a couple of maternity things so that I would have them ready when I need them. I really don't need any maternity clothes yet. All my old clothes still fit, but they are getting slightly snug on the tummy. Hopefully I will "pop" soon.

In terms of symptoms I am feeling much, much better! I am able to eat again (though still unable to gain weight). Where was this magic metabolism BEFORE I got pg? My weight gain for the first trimester is still DOWN 7 lbs from the starting point. I am not complaining about that. My energy level is getting a bit better. I'm still more tired then before pg, but I can feel myself rounding the bend. It is amazing how feeling better helps your sense of well being. I am so much more excited about this pregnancy. I cannot wait for September.

I'll try to post my 11 week belly shot later. I don't look pg, just fat. Keep that in mind.

Miss X

10 Week U/S

2009-02-18T16:39:00.000-08:00

These are from my appointment last week. Look how much the Peanut has grown! The first picture is a good profile shot. See the little face and arms? Life is good.

Miss X

These are the days...

2009-02-12T09:31:00.000-08:00

10 weeks 3 days

Just got back from my second OB appointment. Started out with the weight check, their scale has me down 5 pounds from last time. Blood pressure check, my bp was through the roof due to my near panic attack this morning worrying about the appointment. I'm pathetic, I know. Went over my blood test results - all good - except I am not rubella immune. Bummer. Then they pulled out the doppler and warned me not to freak out if they couldn't hear the heart beat since it is still so early. She checked for a long time and finally picked it up. I could not hear it, but hubby said he could.

I heard the medical assistant talking to the doctor in the hall and she told her that I was stressing out and to please give me an ultrasound to reassure me! Yay! Score one for the panic stricken. Instantly the Peanut showed up on the screen. So much bigger then the little dot from last time! Even showed off and did a jumping flip before going to sleep. That baby owns my heart. Measuring exactly on target, heart beat 160 bpm.

I am feeling amazed and wonderfully reassured. Clearly I am having trouble accepting this as real because I was almost shocked when I saw the baby on the screen. Wow! So there really is something in there. Amazing. Hubby was so cute watching! He loved when the baby jumped and commented on how speedy it was. :)

It is so humbling to realize you are experiencing everything you ever wanted. I'm living the dream. And I am forever grateful.

Miss X

1 Down...

2009-02-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

3 to go!

I am 10 weeks today, officially 1 quarter down in my pregnancy! A big milestone if you ask me.

My ob appointment is this Thursday, I pray everything is still okay. I will definitely update as soon as I can after the appointment.

Today, let's celebrate! :)

Miss X

Keeping on

2009-02-03T11:34:00.000-08:00

Not a whole lot to update, but I wanted to post something.

9 weeks 1 day today. The 2nd trimester is fast approaching! Can't wait. My next OB appointment is next week. I'm getting a little nervous. I think I'm still in denial about the whole thing and I worry that no baby will be there. Ugh.

I'm feeling a bit better then my last post. My sickness is not all day, everyday anymore. I seem to feel worse in the evening. And I seem to not be quite so sleepy. Still tired, but not dying. My boobs aren't as sore either. I'm hoping it is normal that these things are easing up a bit and not bad news. I'm still belching a million times a day so I am taking that as a good sign.

Still not even slightly pg looking. I'm on a due date message board where we play the toilet paper game. The game where you see how many squares of paper it takes to get around your tummy each week. Well this week I lost half a square! I'm guessing it is some of the bloat going down. I think I am going to be half way through the 2nd trimester before I need any kind of maternity clothes.

I'm so grateful to be here. I just can't believe it is really happening. I'm feeling really blessed.

Miss X

Tagged!

2009-01-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Safire. I was supposed to name 7 random things about myself. Here we go....

1- I have a shoe issue. I LOVE shoes. It's a bit ridiculous, but I can't help it. They are fabulous! I am not super into clothes at all. What can I say, shoes always fit. 'Nuff said.

2- I'm a vegetarian. I have been since I was a little girl. I even did the strict vegan thing for almost 2 years in my early 20's but I couldn't stick with it. I love cheese way to much! :)

3- My favorite books of all time are the Chronicles of Narnia. I first read them in the 3rd grade and have read them so many times I couldn't began to count. I even have the entire collection on cd and I listen to them when I go on road trips. The stories are so special to me. I can't wait to share them with my children.

4- I have an obscene amount of drug allergies and the only over the counter pain med I can take is Tylenol. The rest will kill me. Such drama.

5- I am the world's worse procrastonator. I'd give some examples, but I'll have to do it later. :)

6- Both of my dogs have their own silly songs I have made up about them and they each know which one is theirs. Hahaha

7- The first time I went to a "public" school was in college. Private schools my whole life.

Okay, so for the rules:

* Link to the person who tagged you
* Post the rules on your blog
* Write 7 random things about yourself
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post and link to them
* Let each person know they've been tagged

I tag:
Kristy
Brandy
Amanda
Kate
Deanna
Katie
And ummm..anyone else you wants?

Green Zombie

2009-01-22T08:38:00.000-08:00

***Please Note***
I am absolutely thrilled to be pg, but this post is going to sound a little whiny. If you are struggling with infertility you might want to skip this post. I know how annoying it was to hear pg women complain about symptoms and I would never want to hurt anybody.

I am so ready for the 2nd trimester! I know I should be enjoying every second and in some ways I am, but I just feel so lousy! I feel kind of stupid because I never knew how uncomfortable being pregnant could be. Clearly it is worth every amount of pain, but color me ignorant. I just had no idea!

My weight is officially down about 6 pounds from when I got pg. I am having the hardest time eating. All day sickness has definitely kicked in. I have not thrown up, I just want to. I (tmi) belch about 200+ times a day. It is disgusting! I just feel so bloated and my tummy is constantly churning. Finding something I can force down is a real challenge. I'm finding I can only eat something once and then I hate it after that. I am running out of options!

The other big complaint is that all of my energy has been completely sucked dry! I am a walking zombie. I feel like I haven't slept in ages, when I sleep all the time! I pretty much never wake up. It is effort to take a shower and get dressed. Thank God I'm not working. I'm sure it doesn't help my energy levels that I'm not eating.

I think it gets so frustrating because I can't see any evidence of this baby. I don't look pregnant, I can't feel the baby. I sometimes wonder if I've dreamed the whole thing up. I just have to keep believing and have faith.

Somebody tell me the 2nd trimester is easier? And please forgive my whining. I feel like an ungrateful shrew! I swear this baby means everything and I would suffer anything for him/her.

Miss X

Joy comes in the morning...EDITED

2009-01-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

"..Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalms 30:5

That verse holds a special place in my heart. After the infertility/divorce debacle and the untimely death of my dad this verse is one a clung to for hope. I had to believe that my joy would come in the morning. When I met and married my sweet, sweet hubby the verse became so real in my life. Today my joy overflows.

Excuse the picture of a picture. The quality sucks. If you look at the bottom of the black circle you will see a tiny white blob. That is our Peanut. Measuring two days ahead and we saw the heart beating! I am feeling very blessed as I know it is very normal to not be able to see the heart at this point. Plus the doctor said that it was a very old and weaker ultrasound machine and wasn't sure we would see anything.

I'm in shock! But so, so happy. There really is a baby inside me. Wow. Just. Wow. Thank you so much for praying for me. I really needed to see things going so well.

As for the rest of the appointment we went over health history, want to do/not do, eat/not eat, they gave me hospital registration forms (Already?!?!), I peed in a cup, had a pap, had lots of blood drawn, scheduled my "big" ultrasound (Though we are not going to find out the gender) and talk to the billing people about how my insurance would pay. All in all quite productive and I am so glad Hubby was able to go. He loved watching the ultrasound and he asked the doctor plenty of questions. He is so cute.

So here we go. I might actually get a baby out of this! Oh my gosh!

EDITED:
A few of you pointed out I forgot to mention my due date. Oops! According to ovulation it is September 7th, according to the doctors old fashioned pregnancy wheel it is September 8th, according to the measuring of the baby it is September 5th! So, right around there I guess. I am sticking with the 7th for now. :)

Miss X

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

2009-01-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

My first appointment is tomorrow morning! I am excited and very nervous! I can't believe this is happening! I'm so afraid they are going to tell me that there is no baby or something awful. I actually don't even know if they are doing an ultrasound tomorrow, but I really hope so.

I'm so nervous! I kind of feel like a little kid playing dress up. Almost feel like they will tell me to go home or something. It is silly. I'm nervous they are going to tell me I'm too fat. UGH! I haven't gained an ounce since I got pg because I am really watching it, but I am definitely a good 25-30lbs overweight. I guess I don't really care if the pregnancy is alright.

I'm just a bundle of excitement and nerves! I can't express coherent thoughts. This makes it all so much more real.

I will make sure to post as soon as I can tomorrow to update you all on the appointment. If you pray, please, please pray. If not, please send me some good thoughts.

Miss X

To good to not share...

2009-01-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen such a line? I think it deserves a holiday or reward or something.
Click on it to bask fully in the thick, pink awesomeness!

I am feeling so blessed.

Miss X

Gotta love it...

2009-01-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

...when the test line on your hpt is much darker then the control line and comes up the second the urine passes over the test.

I'm starting to think this might really be happening.

P.S.
Thank you so much ladies for answering all my questions. You all have really helped eased my mind!

Miss X

P*anty Checker

2009-01-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

I probably run to the bathroom 12+ times a day with the sole purpose of checking my underwear. So far, still white. This is so nerve-racking! I am praying for morning sickness! I know, I know. I may come to regret that, but I hate feeling so normal. It freaks me out.

I am 4 weeks and 4 days today. My bre*asts are sore, but not as sore as they were - that makes me nervous! I'm a bit gassy and I have fatigue. That is pretty much it. What I wouldn't give to throw up. Someone tell me this is normal and doesn't mean anything scary.

Also, for those of you who have "been there, done that", what should I expect at my first doc visit? I received a TON of paperwork in the mail that I have been filling out and the letter they sent me said to expect my appointment to last up to 2 hours. Wow. What in the world will they be doing?

I am so grateful to be pregnant (I feel like a fraud typing that), but I just don't know what to do with myself. I wish I could just know that everything is going to be alright. I really want to think that pregnancy will equal baby. Could I really have a baby this Labor Day? Please God, please.

Miss X

More Waiting

2008-12-29T09:18:00.000-08:00

Ugh! I can't get into a doctor for 2 weeks!

Evidently I am so use to infertility issues and people having infertility issues that I didn't realize that it isn't standard to get right into an ob. I guess most won't even see you unless your are 8 -10 weeks and I am "lucky" to get in at 6 weeks. I did a lot of checking around and this seems standard. How did I not know this?

How in the world am I going to keep sane for 2 weeks?!

Miss X

In a daze

2008-12-28T14:11:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the congrats. I am in total shock. I'm happy, but cautious and in a bit of disbelief. I am going to call the doctor first thing in the morning and see if I can get in for a beta.

In the mean time how about some hpt pics! Click on the pics to be able to see them well. I have to say that they lines look darker in person. They do not photograph well.

Here's yesterdays test. 12 dpo and 2 days pre-expected af.

And here is today's test. 13dpo 1 day before expected period. I think it is darker?

Feel free to freak out with me!

Miss X

Full Circle

2008-12-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

This coming Tuesday will be exactly 6 years since I found out that my Ex was infertile. A lot of you that read my blog were around in those days and you remember how devastating that was for me. It started the most painful battle of my life.

I've been feeling...off this week. My breasts have been SO sore. I've been so tired. I haven't has any hpt's in the house because of my anti-testing rule. My period isn't due until the day after tomorrow.

This morning I remembered some old urban pregnancy myth about opk's working as hpt's. I thought what the heck and took one. It came up positive immediately. I didn't think too much of it but it got my hope going. Hubby and I were at the store this afternoon and I bought a couple of pregnancy tests. I couldn't resist. As soon as I got home I took one. So stupid, I hadn't even held my urine.

The test came up positive immediately. Oh my gosh. Did you just read that?! I have a super dark, positive pregnancy test! Oh my gosh!!!!!

Miss X

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T10:42:00.001-08:00

I pray and wish a wonderful holiday to all of you and your families.

Merry Christmas!

Miss X

Here we go again...

2008-12-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

I ovulated today. Didn't I just have a failed cycle? How am I already back in the two week wait? I think trying to conceive around the holidays is even harder then trying at other times. Everything seems so heightened. Too many thoughts of "Maybe I'll be pregnant at Thanksgiving and get to announce to the family at Christmas!", or "Maybe I'll get pregnant for Christmas - what a perfect present!", or "Being pregnant for the New Year! What an awesome way to start out 2009". Why do we torture ourselves this way? I really want to be done with this soon. It is trying to grab me, the darkness of ttc, and it is getting tougher to resist it.

In less depressing news, it snowed this morning! I was/am so excited. I love the snow and in my part of the world we don't get much. A little dusting a couple of times a year is all we get. It looks so beautiful and Christmas-y! I would love for there to be snow on Christmas. I don't think I have ever had the whole "White Christmas" thing.

I am all ready for Christmas. The house has been decorated for weeks and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree. The snow is the fluffy, white icing on my yummy Christmas cake!

Have a mentioned how awesome my husband is? I know it's annoying, but I seriously have the best husband ever. He loves and adores me. He sends me love letters and poems he writes for me. He loves cuddling! He doesn't mind "chick-flicks" (heck, he's almost finished reading the Twilight series!). He is so sensitive, sweet and handsome. I struck it rich. Maybe I'm just being greedy wanting a baby too?

Sorry this was so random. One of those random days.

Miss X

Bootstraps and Books

2008-12-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the support ladies. I was really sad yesterday. I really had to fight that despair feeling that is wanting to snatch a hold of me. With a loving husband and a lot of prayer I was able to keep it at bay. Giving up control and keeping my faith is my biggest battle in all of this. I'm determined to hang on.

I'm still sad today, and the horrific cramps don't help, but I'm trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps. One of my closest friends is going to be induced with her 2nd oops baby on Friday. Also just found out that hubby's cousin and pregnant wife (also Oops baby) will be staying over at our house tomorrow night. Lord grant me serenity...

So on to distracting myself. Is anyone else as enthralled with the Twilight Series as I am? I know they were written for teenage girls and I know I am late to the party, but dang it all, I LOVE them! I had never even heard of them until I saw the movie last weekend for Hubby's birthday (happy birthday baby). I really liked the movie so I rushed out and bought the first book in the series. I finished it in one day. I could not put it down. I'm going out today to get the next book.

I guess I've officially lost it.

Miss X

Sigh

2008-12-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

A day earlier then expected, my period is here.

Miss X

Anxious

2008-12-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

I am 13dpo and I'm nervous. I am totally feeling the what-if-I-never-get-pregnant fear. I seriously hate trying to conceive. I'm so envious of people who are able to enjoy this process. For the record I am very aware that this is only our 3rd cycle trying together. I know it hasn't been that long. I just am not capable of feeling like a "normal" person ttc after years of infertility treatment. I've done the IUI's, had Clomid rage, Repronex welts, Trigger shot symptoms, and dye shot up my tubes. I am not in the extreme depths of pain that I was then, but I still feel it.

I don't "feel" pregnant. Not that symptoms mean or don't mean anything. My luteal phase is 14 days, so my period is due on Wednesday. I will only be testing on Thursday if my period doesn't show on Wednesday. I'm not willing to test unless I am actually late. I have seen nothing but blank tests staring at me for YEARS. It is just torture.

We have a plan in place. If I am not pg by next cycle we are going to the doctor. Our plan is for me to have the Lap and to probably have dh get a SA. Anyone who has followed me over the years can understand why the SA is a bit terrifying for me. For the new readers my Ex had azoospermia, aka no sperm.

Having a plan is good. Having a husband who is pushing the plan is even better. But damn it all, I don't want to NEED a plan. Please let me not need a plan.

Miss X

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T13:23:00.001-08:00

We are leaving in the morning to visit the in laws for Thanksgiving. I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday.

P.S.
I am currently 8DPO for anyone keeping track. Please, please, please work!

Miss X

Things I've done

2008-11-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

This post was stolen from Living in Maryland. I've done the stuff in bold. Kind of fun! :)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (if you count the chunk of me that is Native American)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (Not a movie, how about a commercial?)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (Does a couple of poems count?)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House (the outside, still trying to get inside)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own

Which things have you done?

Miss X

Why I love him

2008-11-13T12:04:00.000-08:00

We are back to Operation: Knock Me Up and we are hopeful. My hubby knows how much ttc stresses me out though. I can't remember if I have ever mentioned it before and I am too lazy to look it up, but I've always been a bit concerned that I could have endo. It is just about the only test I never had done back in the infertility days. Plus I am "high risk" for it, due to my mom having severe endo and the fact that I started my period at a young age (9).

My awesome hubby asked me when I wanted to get a lap done to check for endo. He said he didn't want us to waste a lot of time and get more stressed out if we could do something about it. I told him I wanted to try for two more cycles first and if I am not pg I will go for a lap. I love him so much. He supports and encourages me to do whatever I need to so we can have a baby. It was for me, plain and simple. I am amazed with how sensitive he tries to be towards my infertility battle wounds. It isn't something he can relate to, yet he is so there with me. I cannot even tell you how different it is to ttc with someone fully involved with you. I am so blessed.

And he's cute too!

Miss X

Pics up!

2008-11-04T09:19:00.001-08:00

Tons of trip pics posted on the picture blog!

Miss X

I'm Back!

2008-11-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

Well we are back from Italy and I am very tired! We took tons of pictures that I will be sharing soon. If you still need to be added to the photo blog, just send me an e-mail and I will send you an invite.

In other news, my period is due to start in the next couple of days and I cannot wait to start ttc again! I pray it works right away!

So glad to be back. More soon!

Miss X

Congrats and Updates

2008-10-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

First of all HUGE congrats to Deanna on the birth of her beautiful son! I met Deanna in a ttc chat room over 4 1/2 years ago. This is such a long time coming for her and I could not be happier. She so deserves this!

I haven't posted in forever! The big change since I last posted is my jobless status. I ended up having an evil co-worker who told insane lies about me. Turns out she was trying to get me fired and it got really bad. I just could not take it anymore. Add that in with the fact that my boss decided to quit because she had a baby and I didn't have a manager that knew me to turn to. Finally DH and I decided that the stress was killing me and I gave my notice. I was able to leave with an awesome letter of recommendation and I think it was definitely the right choice. If I thought things were bad with the co-worker before they were a million times worse once I announced my 2 weeks notice! And did I mention she also happens to live across the street from me?! Yeah.

I am actually looking at a job that would start after we return from our trip, but other then that I am waiting on the real job search until after we return from our vacation. Speaking of which we leave this Sunday! I've been getting really nervous due to my plane phobia. It is really pathetic. I have full on panic attacks on the plane without medication. I now have Xan*x and Amb*en in my arsenal so I am hopeful that I will survive the long ass flight and not make the news as the freak that had to be tied down on the plane.

No new ttc as we are on our final cycle break due to my need for the plane drugs. Our plan is to start trying again next month. I should start my period a few days after we get back and we will go from there. I pray we are successful soon!

So I'm off to Italy! I'll be back November 1st. I plan on posting lots of pics on the pic blog. If you want access just send me your e-mail address and I will add you.

Ciao!

Miss X

New Blog

2008-09-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

I've posted a new blog that will show pictures. I'll still write my posts here. If you want access to the photo album blog let me know.

Miss X

Congrats!!!!

2008-09-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

I just want to say a big congrats to Karen on her new baby girl Evie! It has been a long, hard road to get to this point but they have been rewarded with such an amazing blessing!

More news from me soon. Major work drama that forced me to quit and my last day is Friday. I will fill you in soon. As for this weekend, we are off to a beach cabin with our doggies! Ahhhhh, some good R&R!

Miss X

Nope

2008-09-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

My period started Saturday morning. So now I am on a reluctant 2 cycle break. I really, really don't want to wait, but I know it makes sense. I applied for my new insurance yesterday so hopefully it gets approved right away.

More to talk about, but I am still writing these from work so it will have to wait. There was major computer drama from the shop we took the laptop to be fixed. Long story short we had to send it to Apple directly. I am hoping we will have it back this week.

Hopefully more updates soon.

Miss X

Missing Mac

2008-09-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

Good grief! The Mac is STILL not back from Ap*le. I seriously need my computer back. I have been reduced to reading blogs on my I*pod! I'm hoping it will be back this week, but I am not holding my breath.

In other news, we finally finished all of the booking for our Italy trip. Our flight schedule was changed and it put a hiccup in our hotels but we were able to fix them and we even saved $200 in the process! Thank you rising cost of the $ to the euro! We picked our Rome hotel and I think we are pretty much set. We just need to purchase our rail tickets. I can't believe I am really going to Italy! I am really blessed.

No news on the ttc front. I'm 10dpo and just waiting around. I should hopefully know Friday or Saturday. If AF comes I will probably be putting ttc on hiatus for a cycle or two. I don't want to wait but there are a couple of good reasons that I don't have the time to go into detail right now. The really fast version is 1)I'm trying to switch insurances and can't be pg until I switch, and 2) I am terrified of flying (I know, I know) and want to take the good drugs. ;)

That's all for now. Think good Mac thoughts for me.

Miss X

I'm Alive

2008-09-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Just so nobody thinks I threw myself off a cliff over anything, I am posting this quick update from work. Our Mac was dropped by dh (I know!) and we don't get it back until Tuesday or Wednesday. I have been woefully unconnected to things.

Thanks for all of your well wishes. I am doing just fine. My cycles seem to be back to normal again and all systems have been go. I am currently 3 days post ovulation and feeling obscenely hopeful. We shall see.

I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day. I'm currently working like a sucker. (Dang medical places that never close!)

Miss X

If Only...

2008-08-22T07:35:00.001-07:00

I stayed home from work, sick, one day this week. I just had too much cramping and bleeding. Evidently the only reason a newly married woman would be staying home sick is if she were pregnant. The rumor mill at work says I'm pregnant. If one more person asks me.....

If only it were true.

Miss X

Chemical Sorrow

2008-08-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

My last cycle was very weird. I had tons of pg symptoms; implantation spotting at 7dpo, sore boobs, frequent urination. My cycle lasted 3 days past my normal luteal phase. That has never happened in the 6+ years I have been tracking my cycles. When my period came I thought that the ttc bug had just gotten the best of me and I had imagined all of my "symptoms". My period was pretty light, but I didn't think much of it.

This cycle started and things were frustrating me. Almost no ewcm - I am the ewcm queen. No +opk, nothing. Then yesterday - on presumed day 15 the floods unleashed. Very painful, clotting period. Talk to the doc and my mom (she's a nurse) and everyone has concluded that I have most likely just had a miscarriage. Ouch.

I'm sad and dazed all at the same time. Yesterday was really bad timing since we had a house full of people. One of said people was my friend who is currently 5 months pg with her second accident pg. She bitched about being pregnant all afternoon. She obviously had no idea about what was going on with me. Brutal all the same.

Not sure what else to say. Just can't sleep so I thought I would come on here.

I hope this doesn't happen again.

Miss X

Backyard BBQ

2008-08-15T08:06:00.001-07:00

Most of you know that my sweet hubby and I were married by ourselves in a private ceremony, so we have decided to have a small BBQ at our house tomorrow afternoon. It will be small, about 15 people, just immediate family and a couple of close friends. Unfortunately it is supposed to be 110 tomorrow just like it was yesterday and is supposed to be today. UGH! So I think it is going to turn into a living room BBQ!

We have been busting our butts all week trying to get our house in pristine order. It was somewhat torn apart with all of our painting. We finally finished painting our kitchen on Monday! In total we stripped wall paper and painted our living room, dining room, hallway, and kitchen! It was SO much work, but it really did turn out lovely. We have our pictures and art hung back on the walls and it looks like a totally different house. I really like it.

I need to do a final cleaning and prepping of the food tonight. I bought a couple of salsas that look so yummy! Key lime garlic and a mango-peach salsa. Mmmm...makes my mouth water! DH is BBQ'ing chicken and Brats (and veggie burgers for me!), and his awesome grilled asparagus. He grills it with olive oil, spices, french fried onions and blue cheese crumbles. It is AWESOME! I also ordered two cakes for the party. One is white cake with lemon filling and lemon butter cream frosting. The other cake is chocolate with chocolate mouse filling and chocolate whipped cream frosting!

Okay, now that I am seriously hungry I better get going! Have a great weekend everybody!

Miss X

Italy Bound

2008-08-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well it's official, we bought our tickets to Italy! We fly into Venice October 19th and fly out of Rome on November 1st to return home. We plan on taking trains and spending about 3 days in Venice, 3 days in Florence, 3 days in the Tuscan countryside, and 3ish days in Rome. That leaves us about 1 extra day.

We haven't booked all our hotels yet, but we are heavy in research mode. I am in love with the country inns in Tuscany. They look fresh out of the movies! Beautiful farmhouse in the midst of vineyards, horses, wine tastings, etc... Sigh. Just beautiful! And so much cheaper then the city hotels! The exchange rates are beyond painful right now.

We are even attempting to learn some Italian! We bought the Ro*s*tta St*ne Italian lesson level 1 and we have been working at it together just about every night. It is fun and challenging. Neither of us expect to learn a whole lot before our trip but I think it will ease a little bit of our fears about being in a country where you can't speak the language. I just want to be able to get by at least a little bit. Communicate the really important information.

Lot's of planning left to do and we really need to get on it! I can't believe how soon the trip is coming up! I still have to get my new passport with my married name on it! YIKES! Super exciting though. This is really going to be a great trip for us.

Oh! I added a countdown on the bottom of the blog for fun! Enjoy!

Miss X

No Honeymoon Luck

2008-07-30T12:47:00.001-07:00

I'm on to cycle number 2.

I'm bummed out but holding it together. Trying as best I can to focus on the positive - indulge in a diet pep*si - drown in some yummy gorgonzola! - etc. Actually I really do have a victory of sorts to celebrate. I did not use a single hpt! That is HUGE! In all of my years TTC this is the first cycle I have ever had that I didn't use an hpt if there was even the remote possibility of pregnancy. If I am being totally honest I use to test several times a cycle. In fact, when I was doing my medicated cyles, I use to start testing the day after trigger up until the day my period came. My "reasoning" was that I wanted to make sure the hcg from the trigger had left my system, so if a real + hpt came I would know it was real. Yeah, I know. So big "'atta girls" for me this cycle. The truth is I just can't bear to see more - hpts. I don't want to test until I am really pretty sure this time. Part of the "trying to keep my sanity" thing.

I won't lie, I did have romantic ideas about getting pregnant on my first cycle this time. I entertained thoughts of how great it would be to get pg as fast as an obnoxious fertile myrtle as an almost "reward" because of the past infertility. Sigh. Oh well, can you really blame me? Who knows maybe I will still be an obnoxious fertile myrtle - without the obnoxious part of course.

Onward.

Miss X

Busy, Busy

2008-07-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

Moving sucks. Deciding that this would be a great time to paint the entire living room/dining room/kitchen/hall at the same time is shockingly stupid. Yet, that is exactly what we have been doing. We are so tired and I still have a TON of packing/moving to do from my old apartment into our house. YIKES!!!!!! Can someone please wake me when it is over. I am SUCH a procrastinator when it comes to something I don't want to do and I absolutely loathe packing/moving. I seriously wish it was just over with. Ugh.

Since we both had complete households of stuff we have been selling stuff off on Cra*igs L*ist and just keeping the furniture we like best. Consequently the house was kind of empty since some of the furniture we are keeping is at my apartment. It seemed like a good time to paint. Unfortunately we had to strip off some old wallpaper and that is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy! I do have to say that the place is looking awesome though. I need to post some pictures. We chose this latte color for most of the walls and ceiling and a lovely silvery blue color for accent walls and the kitchen. It looks really great.

We are super busy, but super happy. This summer is just going to fly by with how busy we are! I am really looking forward to fall. It is my favorite time of year anyway and we are planning a trip to Italy for hopefully sometime in October. Exciting times! I'm determined to enjoy every moment.

Miss X

TTC the "Old Fashioned" Way...Really?

2008-07-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

Family planning was definitely a part of our pre-martial talks. I told him quite a bit about my years of ttc and fertility treatment with the Ex. He knows it was an extremely painful part of my life. Clearly he can't possibly "get it", but he understands my fears.

Since we both want children, he will be 35 this year and I've wanted kids forever, we decided that we wouldn't wait. We decided that we would not use birth control when we got married. We are trying the laid back, la-di-da, whatever happens, happens approach. Can you believe that? I am trying so very, very hard to think about this as little as possible. I am desperate to not become the person I was before. I just cannot damage my marriage that way. I cannot damage myself in that way.

I am so hoping and praying that I become pregnant easily this time (don't we all?). That I don't even get the chance to stress about whether we will struggle/what we will do, etc. It is so weird. I was never technically the one with the fertility problem, so in theory I am ttc like a "normal" average person. But, I'm not exactly average. I know too much. I know the deep pain of years of ttc with no results. But I am also excited about the fresh chance. A big part of me really feels like it is just going to work. It's an odd thing.

I started my period on Saturday so this is the start of my first cycle with the possibility that something could happen. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. It's crazy to think that I am trying again. I'm keeping it under control. No opk's, no early hpts, no obsessing over "symptoms". But definitely hoping.

And it's nice to hope again.

Miss X

New Life, New Blog

2008-07-07T11:42:00.000-07:00

Well I'm at it again. I decided to give this blog thing another try. I'm going to try to stick with it. We shall see how it goes. It seemed a shame to leave my blogging story in the sad days I had before. It is about time that I posted about something happy.

As most of you now know, I was just recently married to the man that has been beyond my dreams and we are happily setting ourselves up as newlyweds. We were set up on a blind date by one of my co-workers, who is also his (now our) neighbor. It's a long, semi-comical story that we both firmly believe was divinely inspired. We are definitely "meant to be".

I have been having so many ah-ha moments recently. It is the whole sense of "Oh THIS is what marriage/being a newlywed is supposed to be like!". We are both obscenely happy. We are that annoying, completely head-over-heels in love couple. I truly feel that I have been blessed in an even larger amount then the pain I received in the past. That's a whole lot of blessed, people!

I need to cut this short - but it feels nice to be blogging a happy life for once. There will be updates soon on moving into our house, FAMILY PLANNING (Yup), doggies and more.

Thanks for keeping up with me all of these years.

Miss X